The vampire obsession

I don't know why, but since I was very young I've been fascinated by vampires. As a child I read every book I could get my hands on about them - history books, encyclopedias of the paranormal, storybooks - it wasn't long before I found an illustrated version of the original Dracula by Bram Stoker. The pictures in this book were photo-like in their realism. I was ten at the time.

Unfortunately I'm a born coward with an overactive imagination, and I'd read about two-thirds of the book before it got too scary for me. I chickened out of finishing it, put it on the very top of the shelves in the living room, where I couldn't see it, and slept with the light on for two weeks. I shivered every time I went into the living room, and my eyes would dart to the top of the shelves, as though the book itself was evil.

It was during those two weeks that I had my first attack of sleep paralysis. This had never happened to me before, and it was terrifying. The lamp was on, and I was half-asleep, with my eyes half-open (I think - I've since been told that victims of this disorder seem to be able to see through closed eyes). I was facing the wall, my head was turned upwards, my neck exposed, and I could see a dark figure leaning over me, getting closer and closer, coming to bite my neck. My whole body was heavy, as though my blood had turned to lead, as always when this happens. Despite it being the first time this had happened to me, I somehow knew that if I managed to turn and face the vampire and wake up, it would disappear. I tried three times to turn over, and the third time - at the last second - I managed it. I opened my eyes and the room was empty. From then on I slept with the covers tucked under me on all sides, even in summer.

My parents thought it was hilarious, and wouldn't stop teasing me until we took the book back to the library, and I swore I wouldn't read another vampire book.

This resolution lasted more or less until Buffy started appearing on TV, and I got a free book in a magazine, written from Angel's point of view. I couldn't resist, and it began another bout of vampire fascination - I read Point Horror books and watched as many documentaries on the supernatural as I could find. I soon discovered that growing up hadn't dampened my imagination, and telling myself that vampires didn't exist didn't prevent the bouts of nervous insomnia that inevitably followed. Even documentaries had this effect on me. I stopped watching Buffy and avoided all vampire fiction.

I still occasionally read up on them, though. I watch documentaries and surf the net, gorging myself with info on my favourite baddies. When the Twilight series came out, I devoured the books, and they didn't give me insomnia. This doesn't mean I'm not a coward any more, it means Twilight isn't scary.

Now to the psychoanalysis: I have several theories as to why I'm so fascinated with vampires, but no idea which one is right. Perhaps it's because vampires are the most human of monsters, reflecting the dark side of humanity. Perhaps because they have fangs and feed on blood - I'm also terrified of sharks, and have a sort of morbid fascination for them too, although I don't know why. Or maybe it's just the gothic style of them that I like.

Either way, this means that sooner or later I'm going to write a vampire novel. In fact, I might make a series of them. I apologize in advance for this, but it's inevitable.