Sleep

No blog yesterday, sorry. I'd just finished writing the one below and Firefox bugged, seemingly erasing it all. I was in no mood to try again, so I left it till this morning, only to find that the original article had somehow been preserved. Not sure if I should feel relieved or frustrated about this.

This is yesterday's blog, slightly modified:

"I've been told since my childhood that I'm a difficult person to sleep with. No, not in that way you filthy creature. I simply mean that anyone sharing a bed with me, even a massive bed, usually ends up getting very little sleep. This is why:

- I snore
- I talk loudly
- I sing (when I'm happy, apparently)
- I kick
- I take up most of the bed, sometimes pushing the other person off
- I steal the covers
- I also occasionally steal pillows
- I have frequent bouts of sleep paralysis
and, the latest addition:
- I have been known to throw the cat across the room one-handed.

Granted, that last thing has only happened once, recently. I've already written about this on Facebook, but I'll write it again: Nans was still awake and the cat was curled up in a ball between us, sleeping. Nans reached over to do something - switch the light off, maybe - and suddenly I sat up, put one hand under the cat, and threw him across the room, shot put style. Then I yelled something about "not accepting your program!" and curled up in a huff. Nans spent ten minutes wondering what I hated so much about his latest video game before I started snoring. I woke up twice more that night and spoke to him, once nastily, once in English, asking if "that was ok".

I could hardly believe it when Nans told me all this the next morning. I felt horribly guilty about the cat, Figaro, but he forgave me when I called him he came up for a cuddle. He wouldn't purr though; still traumatized I think. We had a good laugh about it afterwards with Rachel, who'd been sleeping in the next room, and as I said before, I wrote a note about it on Facebook.

J and his friend James, who I've never met, responded to the note with scary comments about a sleep disorder where the person is extremely violent in their sleep and anyone who wants to sleep next to them has to wear body armour. I was pretty sure it was a one-off, but I had to go see the doctor for a check-up anyway, so I thought I'd ask him. My appointment was this morning. He said I was fine.

The doctor explained that although it's evident that I have some sort of imbalance in the hormone that paralyses you during REM sleep (I don't have enough of it during REM sleep, and I have too much when waking up - maybe its emission is somehow delayed), if I don't sleep walk or do more than speak often, then there's nothing to worry about. And even then, there'd be very little I could do about it. Not much is known about sleep, and most scientists researching the subject tend to concentrate on things like narcolepsy and insomnia. Either way, I'm pretty sure the cat is safe.

However, I'm still curious as to what makes me like this. Another interesting fact: I'm very strong when I'm asleep - much stronger than when I'm awake, somehow. Once Nans came to bed and I was already asleep. He cuddled up to me and happened to lie on my outstretched arm. I remember half-waking up at this point. I wanted to turn over, and started to do so, but felt a resistance - nothing massive, just as if there were too many covers. I turned around very slowly, and then I was woken by a thump to find Nans sitting on the floor looking surprised.

This is reinforced by the fact that I threw the cat across the room with one hand. He's quite heavy. Nans, who is stronger than me (when we're awake anyway), would have had to use both hands and swing them back first.

If anyone else reads this blog, let me know if you have any weird sleep disorders or habits. How do you deal with them? How to they affect your life and that of the people who sleep with?"

Today's update: last night I had two nightmares. Note that for a few years (between ages 18 and 22, I think) I had no nightmares. All my dreams, when I remembered them, were pleasant. Recently (since finishing my studies I think) I've had a few of what I'd call "uneasy dreams". That is, they're not exactly nightmares, because I don't wake up terrified from them - just uneasy. I also suffered from night terrors when I was small, and I sort of compare nightmare fear to them.

Anyway, the first nightmare was of me, my parents and another couple their age in a sort of wooden cabin. They were sleeping and I was at the window. There were some of out belongings on the window, and I saw one of the guardians (police on duty to guard the cabins, security basically) stealing our stuff. I stopped her, and she called her partner. I closed the shutters and ran to lock the door before she and her partner could break in, and tried to wake everyone up. They didn't want to wake up, and didn't know what was happening. The last thing I remember is trying to wake my mum up, with a really quiet, hoarse voice - this is a recurring theme in some of my dreams. Because of this, I thought "am I dreaming? Am I having a bout of sleep paralysis again?" and I thought I didn't feel paralysed so it must be real. Then I woke up.

Second nightmare: I was on some sort of placement and living in a run-down flat with two couples. I had the cat with me for some reason, and he was dying. He was really thin, all the hair was gone from his stomach, which was black and oozing with infection, there were holes in his skin - it was gross. I'd rung Nans to come and get him to take him home, and Nans had come, but couldn't find his way up to the flat, and I couldn't find him either.

When I woke up I called the cat over for a cuddle and he is fine and fat and demanding as ever. The only thing I can think of here is that I'm afraid of responsibility (which I am), and think Nans is more responsible than me.

Thoughts?